Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Seriously! Chemo stinks!



Here are a few conversations I've had recently:

Officer: "Hi, where are you off to in such a hurry?"
Me: "Chemo"
Officer: not a believable look on his face- "most women say they are in labor"
Me: nervous chuckle.
Officer:  "Can I see your license and registration?"  "What are you receiving chemo for?"
Me: "Colon cancer"
Officer: "give me a few minutes"
Me: "OMG! Really Becky!"
Officer:  "You need to slow down so you can make
 it to your appointments in one piece."  "My grandpa
 died really young from colon cancer so you
 can thank him today for me letting you off"
Me: GULP "thank you grandpa"???
What a nice officer- he knew I needed a break! 

•••••••••

Max: "Mom, do you need a hug?"
Me: "Yes, I do!  How did you know?"
Max: "I just know because I know when my mom
needs hugs and because I'm your favorite."

Hug, Hug, Hug- I love that kid.

•••••••••

Me: "Whitney, you and I need to run and go to.........."
Whitney:  "To what?"
Me: "ummm"
Whitney: "mom, I hate it when you do this"
Me: "wait, it's coming to me"
Whitney: "you really forgot?"
Me: "yup, sure did"

Brain fog

•••••••••

Patient sitting next to me during Chemo: "How's your husband handling this?"
Me: "He seems to be doing well.  He has his brave face on."
Patient: "Mine is really worried about me and makes me feel anxious at times."
Me: "sounds like you might need some ear plugs."
Patient: "Did you know that 75% of all marriages that involve cancer end in divorce."
Me: .....................................

If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.  Right?

•••••••••


Last week was fun, I went to lunch with Dari and went with Yancey to go visit Chrissy and Matthew up at Primary's.  Matthew is waiting for a heart and has been in the hospital for a long time.  I think he's at like 120 days now :(  He is the sweetest little boy EVER!  I love that kid.





I had lunch plans with Mindy and Sam yesterday so my goal was to get up and get ready and go to lunch.  I was able to eat and have some good conversations.  We had fun!  Too much fun because it wiped me out!  I came home and flopped on the bed!  I was beat!  Those girls know how to PARTY!  I do feel a lot better when I'm up and moving around and not laying in bed all day.

My mom was here yesterday and today- thank goodness!

Tonight I'm going to dinner with Suzy, Liz, Bonnie and Cindy.  I'm sure I'll be ready to get out of the house by the time night rolls around.  Suzy will take care of me if not.  I joke with Brandon because I have been on so many dinner and lunch outings with friends and family lately.  I feel so loved ;)

I have spent so much time trying to stay positive and upbeat that I don't think I have really allowed myself to be sad or ticked off with the truth. I have cancer.  I have a disease that I did not plan for.  Now I have to make arrangements in my life for this intruder.  This has, and will, change my life.  

You won't see me getting negative a whole lot during these blog entries.  It's not the type of person I am...  In order for me to stay upbeat I need to be upbeat.  However, I do know that there is a reality to all of this and this is a place for me to vent and when I feel like venting then I will ;)

Thanks for reading everyone!  I took another picture the day before round two.  I think I still look the same :)  If I don't then don't let me know- ha!



xoxo
Becky

PS- get your colon checked!  



17 comments:

  1. I know just what you need... http://dammitdollsonline.com/main.html
    I will find you one very soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My dearest little Becky. I know it's good to be positive. Fake it till ya make it, I guess. BUT sometimes you just neeed to let it all out. Nobody will think you are whining. You get too wine;)! I LOVE you & would love to be there for ya if you just want to cry. Holy cow a good cry sure feels good! I'd drop anything at any time to go hang with ya! Sundays are great for me:). I'd love to use you for an excuse to ditch. If ya end up in St. George any time in the next week CALL ME! I'll take ya out. We don't even have to eat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need to head on down there- what am I still doing here in Draper?

      Delete
  3. You know how they say "it can always be worse?" I went to chemo treatments with my friend here at the public hospital for people with no insurance. Her chemo was administered in a big lobby with all kinds of homeless people and inmates in orange jumpsuits from the jail (accompanied by guards) in shackles. If that doesn't make you want to puke ...!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh wow! Yes, things could be worse! At least I get to take my pump home and lay in my comfy bed with it :)

      Delete
  4. So, so sorry that you have to go through this crap! You have every right to complain or cry, or whatever you feel like doing! Those are some funny conversations you have had with the cop and with the lady getting chemo, sheesh! At least you have cute little Max to lift your spirits. I am also happy that you are getting out. Hopefully, we can get together soon, if you are up to it. I sure hope you feel better and love you tonz!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love optimism.
    I love journals.
    I love real life.
    I love candid conversations.
    I love nice policemen...

    But I hate your stupid cancer. Gah. Feel better (??) SOON.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sheryl, could we work together again? You make me laugh and always have. I'll have to say that you were a good hire way back when ;)

      Delete
  6. So love to read your thoughts I love being able to feel connected to you and able to think and pray about you. Keep speeding for the fun of it, enjoy every hug and laugh off all the very stupid comments people say.... They will get worse as those around you that dont know you find words difficult so instead the crazy human brain makes them say the most random bizzar and stupid things. Love ya- Jaci

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree! It makes me wonder how many times I said something stupid to others and didn't realize how they might be taking it. I am finding that it's best to just not think too hard about what others are saying. It's hard enough for them to find words for me so I've been cutting them a little slack :)

      Delete
  7. Sherilyn gave me your blog info. We are sort of relatives, I guess. At least Suzy is my first cousin so I will claim you too. You are awesome to be handling this so well! I think I would be falling apart.
    Sandy

    ReplyDelete
  8. Love ya! I hope you are feeling better.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Butt seriously I want to see a new post. I think about ya all the time. Love ya! Want me to do a post for you? I'll be your secretary, for free.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Becky its Gretchen from Money Talks! Looking forward to meeting you - thanks for sharing your story tonight! I relate to so much you have said having battled severe brain fog and also chemo and you are just so strong and so well spoken. I love u!!!!

    ReplyDelete